Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy
she got her degree and started removing the parasite 🙏
Tinfoil hat moment but I don’t think he was dumb, I think he was strategic. He put her in a situation in which she had to either: sell her car (so the only means of transportation is now in his name), or maybe even to drop out (to have time for the second job) if she wants to feed the kids. He did it right when she was aaaaaalmost done with her degree. Either way, it’s sabotage.
Sometimes when an action makes NO sense to us (“he’s like a stupid alien”), it’s bc we are not understanding its true motivation/purpouse. If his goal was control, financial pressure and limiting her options due to lack of funds, it makes perfect sensie to buy the truck.
Tinfoil hat moment over!
I wanna add that a lot of times people look at abusers like they are Moriarty, and assume that their actions are planned ahead of time. But I think most abusers are actually really impulsive and really bad at planning more than a few moves ahead.
Therefore, here is an alternative explanation based entirely on his impulsive feelings:
She’s getting near the end of her degree, she’s going to be making a lot more than him when she finishes. This makes him angry and jealous. The closer she gets to finishing, the stronger his anger and jealousy gets.
Well, if she’s gonna be making so much more than me, the least she can do is pay for my truck. And maybe if she had to pay for this truck she wouldn’t even be able to finish school. Then I’d still be man of the house. That would really show her whose boss. Now I feel more in control and less jealous.
“Honey, I bought a truck.”
I think we often talk about abusers like we talk about evolution. We say polar bears evolved to have white coats for camouflage. We talk about evolution like it has a plan and is doing things on purpose. But evolution doesn’t care about camouflage. Birth rates are all that matter, but evolution doesn’t even “care” about them.
I think the majority of abusers don’t actually plan things out. They just act impulsively on malicious feelings. It makes them feel good to have lots of power, so they take whatever power they can find. It makes them feel good to make their victims uncomfortable so they do that.
Most abuse tactics can be explained (and should be defended against) as if they are strategic. Just like evolution, it’s just easier to talk about that way. But I think most abuser tactics are really just the consequence of impulsively acting on malicious feelings.
Basically: I don’t think you need a tinfoil hat. Abusers like gaining power. And they don’t need conspiracy or long term planning to get that power.
Ramy Youssef posted this some time ago about when he managed (despite great restrictions from israel) to perform a comedy event in Palestine and finding out he was American, she asked about the flint water crisis. And this reminded me of when the BLM protests started in Ferguson that people from Gaza reached out on social media to help them them what to do when being tear gassed. Palestinians haven’t just fought for their own rights. They’ve also despite their own horrors tried to help others like then
Sometimes I hyperfocus so hard on something, I forget I’m a person until someone interacts with me. I feel like some wild animal seeing a human being for the first time. I’m like “oh yeah I’m supposed to speak and stuff”
Me: *doing something for hours on end without stopping*
Someone: Hey, are you there? I was just wondering if you’d like to-
Me:
For every single person in the notes going “yeah” or “same” or something like that…
if you’re a goy that thinks Jewish culture and history and religion is interesting but don’t want to intrude upon a closed religion, the answer is academia!! study Jewish academia oh my goodness the sheer volume of freely accessible literature written by Jews about Jews is genuinely staggering. please
some random goyim out there: wow, i find Jewish culture and history very interesting, but i’ve determined that it isn’t because i’m interested in converting. i just think that Judaism is fascinating, but i’m also aware that because i lack the cultural context of a Jewish person, i could easily misunderstand and disrespect this religion/closed cultural group as an outsider. if only there were a way for me to respectfully engage with specific aspects of Judaism outside of a conversion context……..
every Jewish academic i’ve ever met in my life, absolutely frothing at the mouth: if somebody doesn’t read my 900 page dissertation and six full length books about this specific niche aspect of Jewish culture written to be accessible to a goyische audience, i’m going to throw myself into the sea
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“Queers Undermining Israeli Terrorism (Q.U.I.T.), San Francisco, [early 2000’s].
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